People of a certain vintage, like me, remember Mani Shankar
Aiyar (MSA) for his cringe-inducing sycophancy, when, in 2004, Sonia Gandhi
boldly refused to anoint herself as the Prime Minister, choosing the
mild-mannered Clark Kent/Superman Dr. Manmohan Singh instead. While almost
everybody respected Dr. Singh, whose Kryptonite was unknown then, many would
have felt a huge drop in respect for MSA. His pathetic pleading to Sonia
Gandhi, which seemed more out of a hastily scripted amateur drama by Doon
students than a real outpouring of dismayed surprise of the elected representatives of
the world’s largest democracy, was a shining example of grovelling to the Dynasty.
MSA laid low for a long time after that, or perhaps people ignored him and
moved on.
MSA may have many faults, but lack of hubris is not one of
them. Neither is the lack of ability to generate a congress of foot and mouth.
Generations will remember him for the graciousness with which he deigned to
give permission to Narendra Modi to sell tea at the AICC meet. And while lesser
mortals would have known when to stop, he decided to charge into angel-less
areas by writing a paean of subtlety in the Indian Express (17th May
2014). Modestly titled as ‘The Dying Light of Freedom’, the article
gravely proclaims that the verdict (BJP’s ascension to power) is ‘the deepest
challenge to the idea of India since Jinnah’s two-nation theory'.
The amateur drama script streak continues after all these
years. I quote the first two sentences of the article: ‘Darkness descends. The
idea of India gutters’. Rational people should have thought twice about reading
on. But one could not resist. How can one remain rational when someone claims
that your country’s existence is at stake?
So, moving on…Godwin’s Law states that "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1”. But apparently, if you have a Doon + St. Stephen’s + Oxbridge + Indian Foreign Service background, you get to refer to Nazis and Hitler unilaterally! In the fourth paragraph of this excellent article, MSA warns us that the new Government awaits its ‘Godhra opportunity’ and invokes the fire-loving Communist with learning difficulties, Marinus Van Der Lubbe. MVDL set the Reichstag building on fire and gave the Nazis a reason to attack communists. Now, it needs an enlightened (literally!) imagination to conflate these two incidents, which seem to have nothing in common except arson. To fight the good fight before it begins, MSA comes up with a solution which is called, I kid you not, Sadbhavna Sena (the Good Faith/Good Intentions Army). Yes, an army to deal with an elected, but yet-to-be formed Government’s nefarious ulterior agenda, which is crystal clear to MSA. But don’t worry; the army will act in Good Faith. Because it will be an Army of “secular forces”, which, as we all know, always act in Good Faith.
The target for MSA’s
next attack is the ‘unashamed crony capitalism’ that is seen in the ‘so-called’
Gujarat model. A subordinate attack is launched in the next sentence on the
thousands of crores of Rupees that flowed into the BJP campaign. All these are
legitimate issues that need to be taken up. Especially by a party that presided
over Commonwealth Scam, 2G Scam, Coal-gate and other sundry scams. And all ‘donations’
to the Congress Party in the past 150 odd years have been totally accounted for. It’s
just that, like the Adarsh files, the books have probably gone missing. MSA
also slides in another Hitler reference here, a nuanced sledgehammer to go with
the earlier subtle Battering Ram. The next sentence is an even more interesting
one. MSA compares his party and other ‘socialists’ to Lilliputians and big
business to Gullivers (both plural). This is perhaps one sentence one partly
agrees with – the first part, to be exact.
If your gag reflex has still not kicked in, MSA has just the thing for you. The next sentence is stupendous in itself:
“Parliamentary institutions have been severely mauled in the BJP’s clambering to power.”
Read that again. MSA, a representative of UPA II, complains that
institutions have been weakened. The mind boggles and everything goes black, just
like the pots and kettles in that delightful phrase.
MSA does not disappoint in the remainder of this genteel
piece. He talks about ‘catastrophe worse than two World Wars’ unfolding, in
case the yet-to-take power Government gives in to ‘immediate popularity’. After around five minutes, I stopped running
around in circles, shouting, “Save me as you always have, my dear Congress! I
love you!” and collected my breath and
wits (I use the term loosely, after thinking about the gargantuan intellect of
MSA) and tried to think of what that meant. It probably meant nuclear holocaust on
the Indian subcontinent. But I remembered MSA, in an article written many moons
ago, calling nuclear devices ‘patakas’
(this was in 1998, when the then AB Vajpayee Govt. Carried out nuclear
testing). Surely, that isn’t something to worry about? Why, there are more explosions
in Pakistan when Pakistan wins a One-Day against India!
All in all, MSA wants to tell us a few important things.
One, a majority of adult Indians are idiots or simpletons, who really should
have voted better and allowed the absolutely topping noblesse oblige clique to continue
helping those pore Indians. Can you imagine a chaiwallah, who must have
sold that milky sweet Indian tea (not Darjeeling, dahling!) to those sweaty,
smelly, dirty train passengers, sitting with us in good old Parliament?
Two, NDA equals the death-knell of plural thought, because
we are one Godhra away from Chaos. Because of the idiot voters, who chose plebeian
things such as food, water and jobs over the really important things like
Congress-flavored secularism, all ‘socialists’ will have to be extra alert to
find issues, both real and imagined.
Three, there can be no doubt that Modi is an incarnation of
Hitler, who sees non-Hindus as worthy of ‘reducing to sufferance’. Muslims,
especially, who seem to have voted for BJP and Modi (e.g., in Delhi) have not
seen his true colours.
Four, Congress must bear the Wheatish Man’s burden and ensure
that those pore Muslims and Christians are protected. This time from themselves,
since a few have voted for BJP.
Noblesse must oblige.
Noblesse must oblige.
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